Thanks for listening to Wellness, Community, Magic, a podcast with a pro-donut, anti-racist, Glenda-the-good-witch agenda. In this episode, Ashley Brooke James and Elizabeth Moore step into their personal power with Kenya Raymer, (enneagram 8w7 SP). They talk about boundaries, yoga and DMs.
If you have difficulty knowing and asserting your value, this episode is for you.
Tune in next week for the second half of this interview, exploring tarot and magick with a "k."
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Full Transcript:
[00:00:00] You cannot love and light your way to healing or alignment. You have to do the work behind it. If you want to be a light worker, you gotta be a shadow worker. Release the things that don't serve you and what doesn't serve you a lot of times is like your reaction to what is going on.
[00:00:25] That's the voice of Kenya Raymer, spiritual guide and truth speaker. Kenya came into this world to raise vibration and return people back to the heart space. She supports people who are going on a journey of healing, spiritually expanding and consciously stepping into their personal power.
[00:00:45] Hi everyone, I'm Ashley Brooke James and I'm Elizabeth Moore co-founders of TRILUNA, and this is the wellness community magic podcast. A podcast where we settle in, get cozy and talk hard truths about the [00:01:00] wellness world. We're here to take on diet culture by making self-care realistic, sustainable, and inclusive. We have a pro donut, anti-racist, Glenda- the- good- witch agenda, so join us on our journey to build community and redefine wellness. Let's get started.
[00:01:17] All right. So this is a question that I want to ask all of our guests, because I think we'll, we'll probably get a lot of personality download from this. But Kenya, if you were a donut, what flavor would you be? I would be a Krispy Creme, original glaze, and it has to actually be Krispy Kreme.
[00:01:34] The hot light has to be on. Very specific, which makes sense, because I'm very specific about everything in life, but it's a classic. It's a classic. Also it can be transformed into a lot of things. It's the foundational donut, right? You can dress it up, you can dress it down. It can be, it can be, you know, breakfast. It could also be dessert.
[00:02:00] [00:01:59] It's versatile. It's the best donut. It literally is. Like, it, it a hot one. Like, Ugh, it's amazing. I like the, the classic of everything. Like when I go to get fro-yo, I get the like yogurt flavor. When I go to get a donut, I want like a donut. When I get a croissant, I want butter. Like I love a classic. So talk to me about something magical that you've done this week.
[00:02:27] It's Friday. I don't know when you guys will hear this, but , Liz, what have you done? Well, actually I have spent the last week, every single second of the day, working on our new magic box that's coming out with our guests who is here today, Kenya. Um, and that has been a magical experience in and of itself to be like in the work of the work of the magic day in and day out. It has been a really fun experience.
[00:02:55] And I just have to let everyone know that she has been excited about these [00:03:00] boxes and I mean, this particular box, since, I mean, when did we talk about the boxes in August? And we literally had to say, we have to take the most popular the 31st. Jimmy and I, we were like, we just have to do these three right now.
[00:03:14] I mean, she, every day showed up. No guys, look, I put it together. She put the graphics together because she knows that we can't say no to a graphic. And I'm just really, I think I'm more excited about the box because Liz is so excited about every single detail that has went into this box. And Kenya Raymer, our guest who I'll introduce in just a second, she was very intentional about what she also wanted included in the box. And I think because we try to pack our experiences into these boxes, it just turned out to such a beautiful thing. I can't wait for you guys to see it. I'll stop talking. I'm going to introduce our guest.
[00:03:58] Our guest today is [00:04:00] Kenya Raymer. I have been following her for a very long time. I have been following her since, if some of our listeners are familiar with Curls and Cocktails, I have been following her since then. It was when natural hair was on the rise and it was just something magical about her and it wasn't just her hair. I mean, she's beautiful and our hair is beautiful, but it wasn't just that. It was just, I felt like she was really going to a place of intention and really speaking truth, setting boundaries.
[00:04:36] Something that people weren't familiar with at that time. And it made a lot of people uncomfortable, but now you, all you hear is I got boundaries. I have this. I have this. So I feel like Kenya was ahead of time before magic became a thing. And when I teamed up with Liz, it reminded me so much of [00:05:00] what I saw of Kenya.
[00:05:01] I was like, Liz was living that same type of life. She was bringing me into my magic and making me understand that. And so I'm really excited to have Kenya here today. We are excited to have Kenya here today. And my first question. I want to take it back. I want to start at Curls and Cocktails. So you were the hostess with the mostest. You would have these events from Atlanta to Nashville and just bring all of these women together in this just magical space.
[00:05:32] I'm sorry. I've never been to one, but I felt like I have because of the gram, but can you talk to us through those events and what was so special about those events to you? Um, so at the time, like you said, natural hair was like on a rise, right. Um, and everyone was having natural hair, this natural hair that, you know, come learn how to do a twist out, come learn about this product.
[00:05:57] And I just thought, wow. [00:06:00] That all sounds really boring. What I want to do is meet the women that I've been stalking and their hair. I want to meet them in person. Cause that was a big part of the natural hair community as well. Everyone was like showcasing their hair, you know, just gushing over everyone else's hair like, Oh my God, I love your twist out. oh my God, I love this.
[00:06:22] And um, that's how we were really expressing love at the time and, uh, showing up in support and in oneness for one another. And so I wanted to meet all the women that I was stalking online. And so I was like, how can I do that? I'll create an event where they'll all come and we'll all have drinks and I'll get to meet them and hug them and stalk them in real life.
[00:06:46] And so I was like, let me do one. And I did. And before it even ended people were like, wait, when is the next one? And I was like, wait, what? I was just trying to meet you all in person. And, [00:07:00] um, so I started hosting it monthly in Atlanta. And there became like, uh, uh, requests from a lot of cities, but at the time I was funding it and it was free.
[00:07:11] So like I was finding women who owned bars or clubs or restaurants or lounges that would host us, give us drink deals. Um, and there was no cover charge. It was free. Um, because I wanted to make sure that everyone had access to it. So it was hard for me to be like, yeah, I'll see you in Houston and yeah, I'll see you in, you know, Miami and, um, etc.
[00:07:37] So I did host a New York because I have family there. And so the New York turnout was huge. My brother-in-law's in the restaurant industry and so he hooked me up with a space and tons of women came out. It was crazy. It was amazing. I'm still friends like in real life. Uh, not in my head kind of situation with some of those old [00:08:00] school, natural hair bloggers, like, Hey, gorgeous.
[00:08:03] I mean, we met there before we even really built our platforms into anything. Then I moved to Nashville and Nashville was like, You're going to host one of these events here, right? And I was like, well, I hadn't really thought about it. Um, and I did, and then Atlanta was like, but wait, you're coming back, right?
[00:08:21] And so for a minute, I was going back and forth between Atlanta and Nashville, hosting these events for women with natural hair to get together and meet one another and kind of merge paths, create community. And it was awesome. It was magic. All the events look like magic just through, you know, watching it, like I said, I was never in attendance, but just being able to just see it.
[00:08:47] And I just have to tell you that was well-played. That's some creative stuff like that was very, very good. Liz, I know by being my business partner, you know, you've learned a [00:09:00] lot about natural hair and just black hair in general. We don't want to leave you out. Do you have any, do you have any questions maybe about the event? Well maybe I do.
[00:09:12] You said something that I want, I wanted to bring up anyway. And so you've already made the transition. So you said that you wanted to do it for free because you wanted it to be accessible. And in this, the magic and the wellness and the yoga space, we are often bumping heads against running up against the intersection of charging what you're worth and making it accessible.
[00:09:34] And I wonder if you would speak to how you navigate that and what that looks like for you? Sure. Um, so for me, I do everything like is guided. I mean, I don't know that I was doing it consciously, like at the time, but now I have an awareness, like I'm tapping into some, some gifts, some offerings are for everyone and are for the collective and other gifts, other offerings, they require a charge.
[00:10:00] [00:09:59] And for me, the charge is part of like what I'm worth and my energy that I put into my offerings. But also the charge is so that people who come to receive offering match the vibration of the offering. Because sometimes if you don't have a charge for something people will come up in the vibration will be mismatched.
[00:10:21] And so they won't even be able to really receive the offering or there will be some incompatibility between the offering and the person who's seeking to receive it. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yep. There's a different vibration between someone who's not willing to pay anything and someone who's willing to save something so that they can get a service, a product that they deemed valuable.
[00:10:44] One is invested from the beginning in the product or the offering and the other one is just willing to accept whatever they receive from it. And so vibration is important in what we offer and when it comes to [00:11:00] how much we charge for it. At the time I think I was just doing what I was guided to do. And I've always been someone who, I mean, I firmly believe if, if I do what I'm guided to do, I'm always taken care of. The universe will always take care of me.
[00:11:16] And so I think for each person, when you're making that decision, you know, do I charge, or is this a situation in which I am like, no, this is what I'm worth. I think the question to ask is what is in alignment for me with this offering? As long as you're in alignment with yourself, to me, it doesn't really matter what's going on in the rest of the community, in what's going on in the bigger picture. For me, staying in alignment is paramount and always my number one goal. And so at the time there was a lot of, a lot of pushback on it being free. My husband, who is a Leo and a natural born hustler, uh, was like, this is [00:12:00] absurd.
[00:12:00] Like you could be getting paid. Uh he's like, if you don't want to get paid by a cover charge, you could get paid by the bar or the restaurant. And there was a lot of creative ways. A lot of companies came in and offered me opportunities to be sponsored, to do partnerships. If I would just give away their product at the event, or if I would allow branding to be put up at the event, or if I would allow a small cover charge in exchange for whatever it is they were selling.
[00:12:32] And the answer was always no. Because that's not what I was being guided to do. I was being guided to make sure everyone felt that it was accessible as possible. So, you know, location, you know, not everybody could come to Atlanta, Nashville, or New York, but if you were in the cities where the offering existed, it was free.
[00:12:50] And so, yeah, I think for me, staying in alignment will always offer clarity around, am I charging for this? And if so, how much, or is this offering [00:13:00] free for the whole collective. Yeah, I'd love that. I think that's a really good take on that. We, we have talked a lot about pricing and trade and we even like last night I have a call with my best friends that I've had from second grade, like every other Thursday.
[00:13:16] And last night we were talking about trade for services. Like one of them had a photo shoot with a friend and the friend did it for free. And I was like, I love y'all. I'm not doing shit for you for free. Like, that is just not like when I work with my friends, like I'm, I'm a professional and I'm going to bring my professional services to you and I want you to treat me like professional. And in order to do that, there needs to be an exchange.
[00:13:40] It doesn't necessarily mean money. It could be something other than money, but I'm not just going to do it for free, unless it's like a cause or an organization that I really feel passionate about.
[00:13:50] But we are very protective of our boundaries around that. You're talking about vibration right there because what you really are wanting is for there to be some [00:14:00] type of reciprocity, some type of understanding going into the exchange that you're going to take me and my work seriously, and you're not going to flake or be late or whatever it is that happens, you know, among friends that you are like, oh my bad girl! Right?
[00:14:15] You wanting to go into it and enter in on an understood everyone's coming in on this vibration. And so for you to enter into that vibration, you're working under the assumption that there needs to be an exchange. And so we're saying the same thing. We're just reaching the vibration in the way that's in alignment for us.
[00:14:33] So I feel you. I have offered services to friends. I have offered services, shit, I don't know if I want to say this out loud. I'm going to be getting all kinds of emails, but part of my calling is to be of service to other women who are also helping other divine feminine step into their power, right? So it doesn't necessarily mean [00:15:00] they're a healer.
[00:15:01] It could be that this is what they're doing in their industry. Part of my calling is offering them guidance or services or readings or clearings for free. And so I have done that and it always doesn't end in a way that I feel like, "oh, I loved that," but I also have to remember that that shit wasn't for me. Like they may have gotten something out of it that I missed.
[00:15:27] I may have said something to activate something in them. I may have alluded to something, brought up a topic, asked a question that pushed something for them that triggered something for them that opens their awareness to something. I'm not privy to all of the unfolding that's going on. Um, I'm just kind of being obedient to my calling and to my guidance.
[00:15:50] And so do I, Kenya human, always love that part of what I'm doing? Sometimes no, I'm like, you didn't say thank you. I [00:16:00] don't think they get what I do. Or like, even like, I'd be like, Oh my gosh, Joe so-and-so came through and this is the message I'm like excited and into it. And it could be met with skepticism or okay.
[00:16:12] But maybe it's this how they're taking it in at the moment and later they're like "wow." Or not that I'm looking for praise, but like, they're just not in the same energy. Like I don't feel like we're matching energy right in the offering, but that's, that's not what's required of me. That's not what's being asked of me.
[00:16:31] Yeah. I think as healers we're often asked to, to give more than we receive. Yeah. For the higher good of what's going on here. Part of that lesson in that is everything I just said, it's all ego. That's all human going. Why didn't we connect? I didn't feel good. I didn't get it. Uh, that's all ego. That's all human, you know, but I do it anyway because like you said, we're answering a higher call or [00:17:00] acting in the service of a higher good.
[00:17:02] Yeah. And that brings this whole thing full circle because in the beginning, Ashley talked about how good you are with boundaries. And so how are you in your practice of magic, how are you creating those boundaries and still understanding that you might have to pour from a cup half empty? Yeah, it's a daily check-in with my team.
[00:17:23] It's why I have a practice. It's why I have a practice of movement. It's why I have a practice of grounding. It's why I have a practice of journaling. It's why I have a practice of connecting with my soul family to keep me plugged in to what I'm doing here. I communicate my boundaries really well and often, I always say, clearly and often. Are you pointing at me?
[00:17:45] You're really good with boundaries; sometimes better than I want. So good at that. Just got to make them very clear. People, listen. You can't get upset about boundaries if you don't communicate them, if you're not clearly communicating them. So [00:18:00] I clearly communicate my boundaries and often.
[00:18:03] And when I feel like a boundary has been crossed, I check in. And I'm like, "what is this really about this really about?" Is this about me? Is this about them? Is this about what I'm doing here? Did I overextend myself? Was I not clear in the expressing of the boundaries? Because sometimes you can express your boundaries very clear and a habitual boundary crosser is like challenge accepted.
[00:18:27] Um, and we have to understand that that shit is not about you. Not everything is about you. It feels like it is, it feels real personal when a boundary is crossed. Like I have a firm boundary on DMs. Okay. Because I'm really particular. I'm obviously, I'm an energy worker. I absorb energy. I interact with energy different than most people.
[00:18:52] Okay. I can open up a DM and I receive a ton of information from that DM. Okay. [00:19:00] So a lot of energy is coming in and it can be overwhelming. That may not be how I want to use my energy. So my boundary is I'm not allowing information or access to me via DM anymore because I'm controlling the flow of energy from that path.
[00:19:18] Also DM is like text and I think text is very personal. Not a lot of people have my phone number, because again, I'm very particular about who has access to my energy because I experienced it in a very heightened way. And so I really don't like when people DM me and it really upsets me when people start the DM with "Hey, I know you don't like DMs but," because that translates to, Hey, I know you have a hard boundary here, but fuck your boundary because I'm more important and what I need is more important. And so I need you to tune into me and my needs. Forget about you and your needs. Not important right now, Kenya.
[00:19:58] Um, and since I'm doing [00:20:00] this, I'm consciously crossing the boundary. I don't really respect you, but I do need something from you and I need you to give it to me now. And so that really upsets me. And so when I received those DMS, I always, it's a trigger. It's like, you're not safe in this space because you're not being respected.
[00:20:18] You're not being valued. You're not being heard. And so I immediately feel unsafe in the connection. My blood pressure goes up. I have a physical body reaction to it in addition to receiving all of that energy. So I always have to be like, okay, return to self, return to myself. I do some type of grounding.
[00:20:42] I'm doing breathing exercises. I may need to go outside and clear the energy that I just received. I may need to do some movement. I may need to write. And then I need to decide how I'm reacting to that boundary crossing. And a lot of times it's really just me checking in with myself, going "you're safe here."
[00:20:59] This [00:21:00] is about them. This is not about you. And you're under no obligation to respond or to defend yourself or to further reinforce the boundary. So I guess the answer to that is I check in with myself a lot and I try to understand that not everything is personal, not everything is about me, but I'm going to try and head it off with clear boundaries being expressed in the beginning because they can't be respected if you never communicate them.
[00:21:25] Yeah. You said something about when those boundaries are crossed, you return to the things that keep you grounded, whether it's through breath, work, whether it's through movement. So we found out that you were going to the same studio that Liz and I like yoga, yoga studio. Sorry, everyone. I mean, I think by this time, everybody knows that I'm talking about yoga probably.
[00:21:51] I mean, it is my life. So we found out that we were going to the same yoga studio, shout out to Kali yuga yoga. Liz and I [00:22:00] both were certified there. Can you tell us about how you found yoga? Like what brought you in that space and how you also incorporate that into your daily wellness, because .you mentioned that as well? Yeah, so I was living in Atlanta and one of my really close friends.
[00:22:20] She's a Yogi. And we were, uh, we're sorority sisters. So we met in college and then, you know, kind of went and did our own things in life. And then I moved to Atlanta where she was living and she was already teaching and had a practice. And we started working at the same gym. She was like, come to class.
[00:22:39] and I was like, I'm a dancer and cool on that. and at the time I was actually still professionally dancing so I was really cool on that. But, um, I went a couple of times and it was really hard for me at first, because as a dancer, the body positioning between yoga and dance is just very different. Well, [00:23:00] it feels very different to me, I will say.
[00:23:02] And so I struggled. Or, um, going into yoga and I don't even think I really liked it until maybe like a year or two of going. And I know I didn't even like understand the impact of yoga on my life until we moved to separate States. I moved to Nashville and she had moved to Florida and I wasn't getting her practice, weekly.
[00:23:28] And i was like, wait, I'm going to have to like find a new yoga house, like, and again, back to energy. I'm sensitive to it. And it was really hard for me to find a yoga house here, studio in Nashville. Well, that'll be another, we'll bring you back and we'll talk about that. And so it was really hard for me to find a space where I felt comfortable. And so I started remembering everything she taught me and creating my own flows and doing yoga at home in my own [00:24:00] space. And so I really created my own practice at that point in time. And then I had heard about Kali Yuga and what drew them to me is my girlfriend, monica is her name.
[00:24:12] We're also like eating, uh, ayurvedic. Is that how you say it? Um, I think it's ayurvedic. Okay. Aren't you certified in that? No. ayurvedic. Okay. That sounds better, ayurvedic. Can't say it, but we were following the program of the eating and like making sure our doses were balanced, like through food and that type of thing.
[00:24:36] So Kali yuga's whole schedule is based around this concept. And I was like, Oh shit, this makes sense. This is where I'm supposed to be. And when I went in it wasn't crazy packed. It was comfortable. It was everything that I really needed. And I stopped doing yoga for a while around when I got pregnant, but that's a whole other story.
[00:24:58] I picked it back up [00:25:00] after I had my daughter and it was a hard return to the mat. And now, I mean, now I use it. It's, it's part of my daily practice. My daily practice constitutes of gratitude, journaling, grounding, conscious relationships with food, hydrating, movement, nature. Like this is how I build and how I teach other people to build a daily practice that keeps you in alignment, or it leads a path back to alignment because no one can stay in alignment 24/7.
[00:25:31] Um, so through yoga, yoga is a path directly back to alignment when I've, I've absorbed too much energy. Where I'm trying to release some of my own trapped energy. I just had a big energetic engagement, whether that was, you know, a fight or argument or some type of tears or some type of triggering happening. Yoga will move that energy immediately and quicker than if I were to, you know, probably journal or do something [00:26:00] else.
[00:26:00] Nature and movement are the quickest ways to transmute energy. And so yoga is my go-to. It's part of my daily practice and it's important to me because it is a path back to alignment when shit has gone left. It brings me back to center.
[00:26:18] I think she just described us, Liz. She said nature, which is Liz and movement, which is really both of us but like, you know, you are definitely in the nature. I mean, and that's that just speaks to like how differently everyone finds what brings them alignment. I have found that for me, restorative yoga is an incredibly healing connective practice.
[00:26:42] And I think it is because, like you said, I, it gives me the space to observe what's happening in my body. Yeah. And I agree with you Kenya, when you said it's like the quickest way to push that energy. I'm a natural born mask filler. And yoga has brought me to a space where I [00:27:00] can push those things away, but I can return to them in a place of grounding and connection.
[00:27:06] And it's like, when we say things like release what's not serving you. It's not like, just let it go and forget about it. It's like release it into the universe and find your way back to it and figure out how you work through that. I mean, it's not. You cannot love and light your way to healing or alignment.
[00:27:27] You have to do the work behind it. If you want to be a light worker, you gotta be a shadow worker. And yeah, it's release the things that don't serve you. And what doesn't serve you a lot of times is like your reaction to what is going on. And so if you can get to a place where you can get back to your center, who you are at your core, then you can make some decisions on how you want to handle things from the truest version, the truest space of you, more so than reacting.
[00:27:56] You can be proactive about something. Handle something [00:28:00] consciously rather than unconscious, because what happens when we're triggered or when we are in someone else's energy or someone has overwhelmed us, or we've absorbed someone else's energy, is that we're acting from a space that's just like a little bit to the left or to the right.
[00:28:15] However you want to visualize it of our truest self, right? It's not exactly who we are. It's not necessarily who or what we would do or say if we were not in this heightened sense of emotion of experience. And so I agree, uh, it gives you the opportunity to be the observer. Observe what's going on. Observe like, like I was talking about in the boundary crossing situation, I'm like, it's really going on here.
[00:28:46] Why are you freaking out? And before you reply back to this email or this DM with some shit you're going to regret, let's take a beat. Let's hit the mat. Let's go outside, return back to your center and then make a conscious decision. It's [00:29:00] not like, Oh, I'm going to love and light and release it and this never affected me.
[00:29:04] No, the shit affected you. Figure out why. And then move forward from that. Liz, why don't you close this out or you want me to do it? So you can find Kenya Raymer on Instagram, her Instagram handle, happy truths. Is that right? Yep. Happy truths. Well, we appreciate you. We're going to have you back.
[00:29:28] Everyone that's listening, because Grace has giving me the eyes, the box is going to drop on January the first. January the first you'll be able to go to TRILUNAwellness.com and go under box collection. And Liz is getting really nervous right now because she knows. All right, Liz, I think that's it. That's all.
[00:29:51] All right, we'll talk to you guys later. Thank you for listening to the wellness community magic podcast. We're [00:30:00] excited to share our thoughts with you and bring compassion to the wellness space. Take what you've learned today to a friend or colleague and tune in next time for more tough but necessary conversations about the future of self care.
[00:30:12] If you are interested in learning more about TRILUNA or are pre-ordering one of our wellness gift boxes for a loved one, check out our website at TRILUNAwellness.com.