TW: Eating disorders, racism
On this episode, Liz and AB are back to explore the challenges of finding and building a supportive community. They break down how community health and well-being directly impacts your personal wellness. If you find yourself feeling disconnected and you want to practice vulnerability and openness, this episode is for you.
The next episode of "Wellness, Community, Magic" will explore magic as transformation and the role of magic in Liz and AB's wellness practices. After we've covered our bases in the first three episodes, we will launch into interviews with subject matter experts across a wide range of topics.
[00:00:00] We would like to open this episode with a trigger warning as it contains discussion of eating disorders, body image issues, and or weight loss or management. This episode also contains discussion of racism, bigotry, and, or other race-based trauma. If this does not feel safe for you at this time, please skip the episode and come back to it if and when you're ready. Yoga is not even ours to claim. It was not even originated by white or black people. A community that is not actively anti-racist is causing harm and causing harm is the opposite of helping people with their wellness. Hi everyone. I'm Ashley Brooke James and I'm Elizabeth Moore, co founders of TRILUNA, and this is the wellness community magic podcast; a podcast where we settle in, get cozy and talk hard truths about the wellness world.
[00:00:56] We're here to take on diet culture by making self-care [00:01:00] realistic, sustainable, and inclusive. We have a pro donut, anti-racist, Glenda- the- good- witch agenda. So join us on our journey to build community and redefine wellness.
[00:01:10] Let's get started.
[00:01:17] Hello everyone. Hey Liz. Hi Ashley. So today we are going to be talking about community. And what does community mean to you and have to do with wellness? Why is a wellness company talking about community? Absolutely. So let's tell the people a little bit about yourself and what community means to you in the world of wellness.
[00:01:47] Yeah, we really, as a company, believe that wellness and community are intertwined because we believe that you are only as well as your community is well. We say that a [00:02:00] lot. And what that means is that it's really hard to be a healthy individual in a sick community. When I say sick community, I mean, communities that are experiencing a lot of racism, communities that are underfunded or that don't have access. It's, wellness is a privilege, right?
[00:02:19] We've talked about that quite a bit. And so having a community with a lot of privilege makes wellness easier. I first knew that community and wellness were intertwined when I was, this was a few years ago, maybe like four or five years ago, there was a big women's March in Nashville and I went with a group of my friends, my, I call them my witches.
[00:02:43] It's like my group of best friends. And then some of our partners and other friends, and we all went down and we went to the march and just kind of like casually, in passing, we were talking about this, this thing that I have this thing in my mind, where I [00:03:00] often have thoughts that scare me and that it's been it's happened to me all my life.
[00:03:06] And it's usually things around like things that would make me a pariah to my community, things that would ostracize me from my community. So like when I was young, my, I really loved my teachers. I was like a major teacher's pet. I just wanted to hang out with the older people and learn from them and hang out with them and for them to love and approve of me.
[00:03:27] It makes sense. She's an old lady. Um, but I remember one time, one of my teachers was like bent down and was like really close to my face and was like helping me work on a math problem because math was hard for me. And I remember being so grateful that she was helping me. And then I just had this thought, like, what if I just spit in her face right now?
[00:03:49] Like what if, what if like I lost my mind and lost control of my body and I spit in her face and then she hated me and everybody thought I was a freak. And then nobody [00:04:00] ever talked to me ever again. And that kind of thing has been happening to me all my life. It happened again. I mean, it happened all the time, but one other time that I really remember that really sticks out was I was sitting in my dad's office with my mom for whatever reason my dad wasn't there.
[00:04:16] My mom was, and I just looked at my mom and I was like, mom, I'm in love with Christie from the babysitter's club. She's not real, but I'm in love with her. And my mom just looked at me and she goes, no you're not. But I was afraid that I would fall in love with someone that wasn't real. And then I would be a freak and everyone would think I was so strange and no one would ever be my friend. And this has continued into my adult life. You know, it's like, I think the one that when we're talking about this kind of phenomenon, psychic phenomenon, most of the time people will reference, like, what if I just drove off this bridge right now? Or like, what if I just crashed my car right now?
[00:04:52] Like I could do it. And I, when we were on that bridge, we were walking over the bridge in Nashville for the women's march and [00:05:00] I remember that so clearly because I am afraid of bridges and my friend goes, Oh yeah, you know, those are called intrusive thoughts. It's like a common, it's like a thing. It's like a thing people deal with.
[00:05:10] I like kind of had this like mindblowing moment where I was like, Oh shit. I am, not only am I not the only one that deals with this, but it's not abnormal. And so I started doing some research into it. They're called intrusive thoughts. And actually from what I've read and I'm, I'm not a doctor or a psychologist or a psychiatrist, so you should talk to one of them about this, but it is, it can be, but it's not always a precursor to OCD.
[00:05:34] And it's like re these repetitive thoughts that make you feel like you're going to do something bad, but the more afraid of them you are, the less likely you are to actually act on them. Most of the time, people do not ever act on them, but I would never have known that intrusive thoughts was something other people were dealing with if I had not had the vulnerability to tell one of my friends that day that I was [00:06:00] really struggling with this.
[00:06:01] I don't even remember how it came up, but in telling them and telling this person, I got validation. I got access to help. I got this openness in my body and in my mind that was so new to me and I knew that day that vulnerability and community would always be part of my mental health moving forward. We created a workshop shortly after that, literally about this called shining a light on mental health, which is literally about being vulnerable about what you're dealing with and what you're struggling with and understanding that you are not alone.
[00:06:36] You're not the only one dealing with that. And that help is available to you when you're ready to seek it; when you're ready to admit that you need or want the help. So to me, community is a large part of my health for that reason. I don't think I ever heard the whole story in full and I want to thank you for sharing that.
[00:06:57] For me, I think it really [00:07:00] came when I found yoga. I've had communities. And when it came to wellness, it was more like more around my sports groups, right? Those were the people, but it really dealt more with the physical, but I think what yoga allowed me to do was take the physical and bring it into the deeper stuff and really get vulnerable.
[00:07:26] I would say that I became the most vulnerable when I first started my yoga teacher training because I had never been in a position where everybody kumbaya in a circle and talk about their feelings. So my first yoga teacher training, we had no access to internet or regular TV or anything. We were just sitting in a house with strangers and we had to talk.
[00:07:49] And, you know, after the first night of getting to know each other, we start to talk about our fears of being there and then it leads to other things. And I've never really been [00:08:00] in a position. I've only been to therapy before that time only one time so I never knew what that looked like and what that felt like.
[00:08:08] And at that moment, I really didn't know this was like my wellness community. They were just my yoga friends, you know? They understood me. We did yoga. We understood so fast forward to our yoga teacher training. And this was probably the most sharing, eclectic, vulnerable in their own ways group of women that really brought things to the table that really made you think about things.
[00:08:39] I mean, and very smart women too. So I feel like in that training is when I really understood that it's okay to share what's going on. In the black community my mom was very, she wanted us to express our feelings and talk, but it kind of went inside our house, you know? [00:09:00] And when it came to like therapy, it's always downplayed, like, what do you need a therapist for?
[00:09:05] I feel like the black community, the BI POC community, is just getting to a point where therapy is accepted. Talking about mental health is accepted. So what really, like I said, got me into being able to be vulnerable and share those stories was coming into my yoga teacher training and being a partner with Liz, a woman who is very open to sharing.
[00:09:30] Um, it has allowed me to be more vulnerable. I mean, still to this day, I'm like very close lip about a lot of things and Liz is like, "you should share that. You should make that a part of your story." She never pressures me. She just says when you're ready, but it is a sense of relief. And it's just like to me on the physical, the stress that we hold in our body and that I can physically feel.
[00:09:54] It's like when I do the stretches and everything, I'm letting it out. But when I open my mouth and I'm able to share [00:10:00] stories that are relatable with other women, men. It is a sense of relief and it feels good to know that you're not the only one. So we both have had these really powerful experiences with community and sharing and the power of vulnerability.
[00:10:18] So one thing that we both did kind of without even meaning to come to the same conclusion, we decided that sharing circles were going to be a big part of our company. Pre 2020, way before COVID, when things were somewhat normal; when things were normal, we used to do retreats and they're still to this day, probably one of the favorite parts of our company, very much so.
[00:10:47] It is a weekend of everything that we do and an opportunity for people to transform their perspective. Yeah. [00:11:00] And we do these sharing circles kind of as like the catalyst of the weekend. So we have activities all throughout the weekend; yoga, cooking classes, all, all that kind of fun stuff you think of when you think about a wellness retreat. But, we do these sharing circles after our big outdoor dinner under the stars on usually the Saturday night of a retreat.
[00:11:21] And those are so incredibly powerful, like people remain bonded after those experiences, not just to us, but to each other. They're really powerful. The first retreat, Liz and I knew maybe two people outside of our team. And so we have a group of women that's come together. They don't know each other. And it was just so powerful for women to be so vulnerable and share like deep stories and not realizing that the woman right beside them is fighting to have [00:12:00] those words come out of their mouth.
[00:12:02] We create an environment. They create an environment that trust is built just based on the fact that people are able to share without judgment. Liz and I create a safe space for them, but they create the environment. I feel like as a community we are often silenced by things that don't go with the norm. Like what you spoke of earlier, like you didn't know there was a whole community that was having the same thoughts as you.
[00:12:33] And I think that we are able to bring that down a little bit and for everyday people who are going about it and when they take that time to like work on themselves. It's right there in their face. Their community is right there. And I feel like that's why the bond, and they're able to keep that going because they're just like us, they're looking for a community that they're able to share.
[00:12:57] Yeah. And those retreats are a unique [00:13:00] study and community wellness because they are women of all races, backgrounds, ages, financial status. Like it has been a really wild experience share as well. And that's why we talk about community so much. It's been an incredibly powerful tool for healing in our personal practices and in our practices of business since day one.
[00:13:24] And the reason why we started this business is Liz and I wanted people from different backgrounds to be able to come together. And it started with us. You know, it started with a black woman and a white woman coming together with the intention to build a diverse community. Not only from our dream team members, but the people that we welcome into this space.
[00:13:51] Yeah. It's hard to have a conversation about community and not talk about race and racism and what our country's going through [00:14:00] right now. We get asked a lot what being anti-racist has to do with wellness. And you were asked this recently at a yoga class and you had some thoughts on it.
[00:14:13] And I'm wondering if you would share those thoughts? Yeah, I don't mind at all, because of course, the first initial thing for me was to become defensive because it's like, how could you not? It seems obvious, very obvious. But, I mean, there was a list of things and I made a post about this and I'll just kind of go through this.
[00:14:38] But when I first think about it, I was like, Yoga is not even ours to claim. It was not even originated by white or black people. It was a practice that was taken and whitewashed pretty much like everything else. And then when you think about the [00:15:00] mental and physical stress and the overall oppression on the BIPOC community.
[00:15:08] When I first started doing yoga, this was a relief for me to let go of things that happened to me in my everyday life. And I felt like there wasn't a lot of people that look like me in the space because they did not see representation of themselves. This is the prime practice. This is a practice where we actually can focus on ourselves and on our breath and kind of look at the things. Slow down and look at the things that we're going through. And because we don't see representation of ourselves, you're not going to see many people that are in the studios with that being said, like me being here in Nashville, I've been doing yoga for almost 10 years and I honestly can count on one hand how many teachers come from diverse backgrounds that are teaching here alone in Nashville.
[00:16:00] [00:16:00] And I think that's pretty sad. And I think the reason for that is also we have big corporate companies like Lululemon and our local branch of outdoor voices, not showing diversity on their feeds or ambassadors. Like just this year, a really good friend of ours got to be an ambassador.
[00:16:22] And that was really the first person that I knew that was black to be an ambassador for Lululemon. And so again, that's the, it plays back into that representation of it all. Spiritual bypassing; a lot of people might not be familiar with this term, but I'm just going to break it down for you. It's that love and light and good vibes that you're pushing in people's face. People come to this practice to find a sense of relief and sometimes to find a community like we create to be able to share and just commenting with things like, "Oh, [00:17:00] everything will be fine if you work hard," or "I'll pray for you," or "love and light are good vibes," might not be what that person is looking for at that time.
[00:17:10] Maybe they need that sense of community to be able to share. And I feel like the people in my community are faced with that most. It goes all back to representation. Our magazines, and I'm going to say this, yoga journal. I've only seen a handful of diverse people on the magazines. And so if you don't see reflections of yourself, you're not going to show up for yourself.
[00:17:37] So that list alone is why racism has everything to do with yoga and not just yoga, but the fitness industry and wellness industry in general. Yeah. If we believe that you are only as well as your community is well, then a community that is not actively anti-racist is causing harm and causing [00:18:00] harm is the opposite of helping people with their wellness.
[00:18:03] So you cannot have wellness without addressing racism and systemic and social inequality. You just can't. They, they, they have to be addressed at the same time, especially in a world where wellness is a privilege. And it often is expensive, right? Like, we very much so, by making wellness more community-based and more about community care and community growth and rooting out racism and inequality, we are actively working on the health and wellness of more people than just like getting one person to go to a single yoga class.
[00:18:43] Not seeing themselves represented, leaving and never coming back. Like if we can address the larger issue and make wellness a more inclusive space, everyone benefits. So that is why we believe that wellness and [00:19:00] anti-racism are related. True that. Period. Another reason why I think you don't have more people of diverse backgrounds showing up in, I'm just going to put on Nashville, nashville studios, is because everything is so power yoga focused. Everything is headstands and splits and all that jazz. And I've been doing yoga for a very long time. And some of that stuff still intimidates me. And I can only imagine how people who are just looking to start something new to try yoga, to show up for themselves.
[00:19:39] Feel when they're going into yoga class and poses are being called out that they've never heard of. So here at TRILUNA, we were ,again, intentional about designing our classes for beginners. We have a very beginner's mindset approach. [00:20:00] Yeah, I, I have a lot of back problems and I've had a lot of digestive issues and a lot of health issues throughout my life.
[00:20:08] And I also had a pretty aggressive eating disorder, which I talked about, I think, on the last podcast. And so when I first found yoga, I found power yoga, and I was like, "what is this mess?" Like, everyone in here is tall, super thin, super white and doing these like crazy advanced poses. And I felt like just, I felt like an idiot.
[00:20:31] I was like, what am I doing here? I don't know how to do this. I look stupid. No one's helping me. I don't want to do this. And I didn't do yoga again for like three years after that experience. It wasn't until I found a studio, which is a studio that Ashley and I both went through our yoga teacher training.
[00:20:48] Ashley's second, my first; shout out to Kali Yuga Yoga, Kali Yuga in Nashville. It wasn't until I found them. And I found a community that made me feel [00:21:00] comfortable getting started, that I was able to fall in love with yoga. It was actually in restorative yoga. So if you don't know restorative yoga, it is like a series of long, slow, holds that are designed to be relaxing.
[00:21:15] So it's almost always laying down. Yeah, it feels so good. It's amazing. It's literally an adult nap. Yeah, it's an incredible practice. Actually. I used to teach it at the YMCA and my mom and dad used to come and I saw so much progress in their body and their like limbs and their joints and like their ability to get into these poses just from doing it once a week on Friday nights.
[00:21:40] Shout out to Nancy and Paul. Hey mama, Nancy, daddy Paul, daddy Paul, mama Nancy, but I, seeing that progress in them was incredible for me and it was also like they were able to do that because it was a community that felt safe for them. It was a practice that felt safe for them. And I [00:22:00] wanted to create that.
[00:22:01] And I wasn't finding that. Like everywhere I went I felt, except for Kali, I felt like I had to be an expert to even walk in. And it prevented me from this practice for a long time. Like that's why we teach the beginners. Like if you're an advanced yoga practitioner, you know to do a chaturanga when someone says to go through a flow.
[00:22:19] So I don't need to tell you to do that. Like you got it if you are an advanced practitioner. But if you've never been, you need to know what, going down to your knees and then to your chest, and then to your chin, like you need actual cues that help you understand what that means. And not just some like esoteric philosophy on movement.
[00:22:40] Like move like a snake and heat or whatever. You know you need advice that helps and that makes sense to you. And so that's a huge part for us in community is building a community where you feel like you can come in and get started and you can mess up and it's totally fine. And that's why we weren't [00:23:00] studio teachers either.
[00:23:01] Both of us wanted to be a part of a realistic community. So we worked at a lot of YMCAs, we worked at a lot of corporate offices because we wanted to bring real yoga back. Yeah. And just real movement. You know, it's like, we, we say yoga a lot because Ashley and I are yoga teachers, but we also have HIIT instructors and we have African dance instructors and we have all different types. We have barre and we have pilates, like you name it.
[00:23:33] We have those practices and all of our teachers know when they come in, not only are they not using diet language because that is not what we do, but they are also taught to teach to the beginners and they can queue up for the more advanced practitioners. But no matter what the movement practice is, we want people to feel comfortable and find a space that makes them want to move.
[00:23:55] Absolutely. So, before we leave, [00:24:00] here's some things... It's time to go? Before we leave we have some things to recommend that you try. Everyone is unique and individual so pick one thing and work with that and see if that feels good in your body. We're not here to tell you what to do. We're just here to offer some tools.
[00:24:17] So when I'm dealing with intrusive thoughts, I have over the years, found a bunch of things that work for me, but the most powerful thing that I have done for myself is go to therapy, straight up. Um, finding a therapist that you like can be difficult, but it's important that you find one that you really resonate with.
[00:24:38] And if therapy is not accessible to you, one of the things that I do is getting my thoughts out by journaling. Journaling is a big form of self therapy for me. I know right now with us being in COVID, it's kind of hard to gather and come together, [00:25:00] but Liz, you said something very meaningful. We when we were talking about the wellness part, but your best friend's meeting with them is kind of a form of release for you right now.
[00:25:11] And so being engaged with the people that bring us back to our foundation, and also there are multiple levels and ways and types of therapy. So going to an individual therapist one-on-one is pretty pricey. It's upwards of a hundred dollars more. However, there's also group therapy, which can be more affordable.
[00:25:32] There is now talk therapy, like through an app. I know a friend who is a psychologist and she works for them and she loves it. And she, it's been really powerful for her as a practitioner and for her clients. So there are multiple ways. There's also like sliding, there's a lot of places that do sliding scale.
[00:25:49] If you're here in Nashville, you can reach out to us and we'll offer some recommendations. But there are many ways to afford therapy that aren't just you sitting down in front of a practitioner by yourself and paying full [00:26:00] price for that. But if money is not an option, I mean, if it's just not realistic, what are some other things, you know, besides journaling and connecting with people that you feel safe with, what are some other things that you would say?
[00:26:15] Because we are in a different time and money looks different to a lot of people. And I know that I'm not able to go to a therapist like I want to right now, so what are some other things that you find useful? Yeah, I think meditation is a really powerful practice for mental health. I think journaling is and sharing is, and vulnerability is. There are a lot of ways that you can benefit your mental health that aren't only going to therapy.
[00:26:45] Check out our show notes. We'll have some resources listed for you. Remember we're not doctors, we don't claim to be. We're just trying to pass on useful information to help everyone during this hard time. As [00:27:00] we close out the show, I'm talking about community. Liz, you got anything else you want to say? No, I mean, yes.
[00:27:08] I said no, but I mean yes. Of course you do. It, said simply, like just boiling it down to its simplest component; it is easier to maintain health and wellness in a supportive community. It just is. And so like sometimes it's hard to find and it's okay if you don't have that, it's not going to break you.
[00:27:31] But if you are looking for community or you need some help getting plugged in, or you want to learn more, you can visit our website or you can email us directly at hello@trilunawellness.com and we will try and get resources to you. Someday we're going to bring back retreats. Someday someday when it's safe. If we don't, I'm quitting. Just kidding. Don't say that to me, that breaks heart. I'm just kidding. But they are our favorite and one day [00:28:00] we will bring them back and we will continue to create spaces for you, the community to show up if you choose.
[00:28:07] So is that it and is that all? That's it and that's all until next week, when we talk about our favorite thing! Magic, magic, we love some magic. We're going to break it down. So join us next week. As we talk about magic and how magic can impact your wellness, how wellness is magic and how the two are related.
[00:28:31] We're going to talk about crystals. We're going to talk about tarot cards that most people are scared of. We are going to talk about how we have different religions and how we deal with that in our business. And it's just going to be really good. So it's going to be very interesting. Don't let the word magic fool you or scare you.
[00:28:51] We're just going to, um, continue to create these comfortable, safe, cozy environments where we're talking our hard truths. So [00:29:00] till next time, my friends, we love you. And we mean it and holla at your girl. That's it and that's all.
[00:29:10] Thanks for listening to the wellness community magic podcast. We're so excited to be able to share our thoughts with you and bring compassion to the wellness space. Take what you've learned today to a friend or colleague and tune in next time for more tough but necessary conversations about the future of self care.
[00:29:28] If you're interested in learning more about TRILUNA or are pre-ordering one of our wellness gift boxes for a loved one, check out our website at trilunawellness.com.
Resources and Links:
National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network
Nashville specific resources: