I entered into this year with some hope. Hope that after last year’s tragic events the world would be on the road to some kind of recovery. Everyone was “woke:” Donating and supporting Black businesses and creators, posting black squares, marching, using their voices for the cause. We had “allies.”
Now here we are in the month of April, only 4 months in, and I don’t feel that same level of hope. I’m losing faith in the police and the individuals who claimed all summer that Black Lives Matter but who are now back to regularly scheduled programming. I think often to myself about how good it must feel to go on about your life and escape reality. To continue on in the world like BIPOC aren't still being tortured and killed. To hide in whiteness: To be able to storm the capital building with no injuries or death or to be able to claim the shooting of someone was an accident and then to simply resign and walk away quietly.
To hide in whiteness.
I asked my team of white women this question yesterday. “Are you hiding in your whiteness?”
As a black woman, I can’t answer that questions for you. But if you feel that sting in your stomach and throat when you read that question, you probably are.
My team shared some insightful thoughts that I want to share with you as you call yourself in, observe where you are, and claim to by an ally:
Elizabeth: It’s impossible to imagine what it feels like to experience this trauma on a daily basis. As a white person, it’s easy to distance ourselves from it or to intellectualize it. I have been guilty of that many times. It is in fact part of Ashley and I’s origin story. Yet I know I still hide in my whiteness and that my whiteness hides me. It’s a default setting I/we have to actively turn off. Every day. (DM directly for resources)
Grace: I can’t imagine the trauma you are going through and I’m thankful for the accountability check. I’m thinking this morning about the privilege of becoming desensitized to this violence versus each murder building and compounding trauma. I have been taking it for granted that I am able to distance myself even though as Liz said, I can conceptualize + logic-my-way out of experiencing real empathy. Thank you again and I’ll continue to fight that instinct to distance and hide.
Sev: I’m so appreciative of this accountability check and space where we can have discussions like this. Grace your point about being desensitized to the violence vs experiencing the trauma really made me stop, think, and check myself. thank you for sharing your thoughts! I am guilty of hiding in whiteness and distancing myself from the violence. The violence that others face on a daily basis. These discussions are so necessary and again I’m just truly grateful to have this space and this team to help me grow and recognize where I can do better. Thank you.
So the 2 questions I have for you are:
Are you hiding in your whiteness?
Are you, as a leader, creating spaces for your team to have open dialogue around race, trauma, and/or mental health?
-Ashley Brooke James